Strangely speaking, the fastest language kids learn maybe bad words.
Those other people who occasionally blurt out, or covertly murmured "bad words", can't escape the sensitive ears of kids.
How would you react if you heard a kid saying the bad words? Will you feel ridiculous, or will you feel furious? Whether you also worry that your kids saying bad words will become a habit, and can not be changed any more?
Here we will introduce in detail why our kids say bad words, where do they learn those bad words, and how to intervene and stop their kids saying bad words. Hope these methods can help parents who have similar problems.
How can parents correctly intervene in kids' swearing?
In fact, every child may encounter similar problems in the process of growing up. Parents don't need to worry a lot, and think that if the kid says some bad words, it means he has gone astray.
Children just need some positive guidance. Let's analyze the reasons for kids' swearing and offer some reasonable advice to parents.
1. Why do kids say bad words?
The first is to imitate.
Whenever they hear a kid saying bad words, the anger of the parents rises for a second. Generally speaking, younger kids are just imitating and repeating what they have heard. Through imitation, they are exercising their language skills, but hurting and attacking others is not their intention.
Therefore, when parents hear their kids saying bad words, they must first understand that it is not their fault. This is like a kid catch a cold runny nose, but the virus is not caused by the kid.
The second is to express emotions
When kids scold someone, they may not know what they are talking about. Compared with the content, what impresses them is the tone of voice when scolding, which is also the place where parents should be alert.
The kids observed that adults usually say something bad when they are emotional. Such behavior is like flu, which spreads from adults to kids, and then spreads between the kids. Kids will feel that they can do the same when they are isolated, threatened, or in a bad mood.
They will naturally say these cruel words and swear words stored in their minds, and the tone of these words is exactly the same as what they heard at the time.
They don't really want to curse, but can't think of any other way to express their bad emotions. They tried to explain to the people around them through their actions: "See what kind of environment I am in now? It's noisy here, I want you to know how uncomfortable this is!" Then they said those languages they heard before. This is a signal for the kid to ask for help.
The third is to attract attention
Kids may also use curse language to get their parents' attention.
As a parent, when a kid scolds someone, you are usually surprised. It is difficult to ignore this kind of language. No matter which way the parents behave, the kids will feel that they are being paid attention to.
Next time they are eager to get attention, they will remember the words that caught the attention of their parents. Unfortunately, children usually choose the most inappropriate time, such as when parents wait in line at the supermarket to check out.
The fourth is unconventional
Some kids feel that those unpleasant words have never been heard before. Although they don't know what they mean, let alone that they might offend others, they just feel very fresh and cool.
Having these words on their lips can make them look different and even show off in front of their peers. Usually, when these kids are a little older and understand that it is very impolite to say these words, they won't speak swear words casually.
2. The source of swear words that the kids learn
There are many sources for kids to learn swear words. Although we may not want to admit it, one of the main places they hear these words is at home.
Even though parents are very careful in public, they may occasionally use bad language at home. For example, when parents blur their toes, they blurt out some unpleasant words, and the kids may take the opportunity to learn them.
Kids may also hear swear words in TV shows and movies. There are many cartoons and comics nowadays, which may contain languages that we don’t want kids to use. Therefore, parents must supervise and check the content of TV shows and movies that kids watch.
Even if the kid is well protected, he may still hear other people swear. With luck, some kids did not imitate and repeat. But in fact, most kids use these words they have heard in certain situations. Therefore, parents should appropriately intervene to eliminate the kid's bad behavior of cursing in the bud.
3. How do parents intervene and deal with kids' curse
Most parents think that swearing is terrible and offensive behavior, and they don't want their kids to develop such a habit. However, some parents are usually accustomed to treating kids’ swearing-in a more radical way, either by express prohibition or severe reprimand.
More rational parents may choose to bring out the facts and reasons with their kids. But in fact, these traditional interventions are not effective, and it is difficult for kids to get rid of this problem, even offense on purpose.
Parents can use another way to intervene in their kids' behavior:
Start from themselves
Parents are always the first role models for kids. If parents always speak bad words when they are excited, angry, frustrated, or hurt, how will their kids behave better? Only when parents manage their emotions, words and deeds, can they really help their kids.
First, parents need to carefully analyze their words and deeds. Parents can talk to someone they trust, what are they thinking when they can't help but curse.
You don't need to listen to people to give you specific opinions. What you need is to analyze yourself when someone can listen to you carefully, so that you can understand what kind of help signals your child's words and deeds actually send.
The second is that parents should reflect on their own experiences. The parents' bad words are not without reason, it must be related to their past experiences.
Parents should think about what language your family and friends use when they are angry? Have you ever been severely punished for speaking like this when you were young? Did you see other brothers and sisters being punished? When your kid irritates you by saying a certain swear word, do you have bad memories of the swear word?
These issues are very important. Finding the answers to these questions can help you understand how your kid feels and want to be treated by his parents, and understand what kind of intimacy and belonging the kid desires.
The third is to restrain your words and deeds. Parents try to avoid saying bad words in front of their kids, or they can think about what positive words can be substituted.
It may take several days or weeks for kids to change their language habits. But as long as parents pay more attention, they can effectively reduce the frequency of using bad words and convey more positive language information to their kids.
Parents should carefully observe when and under what conditions their kids will use these languages. Is it when he just comes home from kindergarten or school? When brothers and sisters snatch his toys? When there are many kids around him? When you are busy ignoring him? Or when he was changed to a new environment?
Try to analyze the situations in which kids feel lonely, isolated, or cut off from their parents, leading to inappropriate remarks.
For example, a kid I know who scolded other children while playing a circle game in the kindergarten. He felt that everyone had formed a circle before he was ready. He was afraid that there was no seat for him, so he said something bad.
Therefore, as long as you observe carefully, you can find clues that cause your kid's speech problems. Once you understand the various situations that bother your kids, parents can better provide support.
Sometimes, when a kid is emotional outbursts and swears, you just need to walk to the kid and look at him tenderly, and he can understand how bad his behavior is now by making eye contact with you.
Or you can put your arms around the kid, and whisper to him: "I don't like what you just said to me. Can you tell me why you say I am a stupid mother."
His current feeling may push him and turn his head and run away, or his words may become more intense, and he may punch and kick you. Parents should stay with the kid at this time to prevent him from harming others and follow him when he leaves. He needs someone who can listen. Only if you are always around him will he know that he can re-establish close contact with his parents.
In fact, when a kid scolds someone, he is more or less shocked, even scared. But he couldn't tell others how he really felt. Now, the kid is around you. He will tell you all his frustration, confusion and anger. He may also transfer his temper to you. But when he is crying, your listening is a healing power that can help him relieve the pressure that has been stored for a long time behind these behaviors.
There are other children who are more interesting. When they know that they shouldn't speak bad words, they may not behave at the moment. But after a few minutes, he would find some reasons for himself: for example, too much cheese was added to the pasta, or the clothes were wet with water. Because of these trivial things, they began to cry loudly.
Parents don't need to feel baffled, or just sit back and watch, this is a way for children to release their emotions. Through crying, they relieved the tension accumulated in their hearts. Parents only need to be patient with their children. When they finish crying, everything will return to normal.
Although it is difficult to remain calm when kids are swearing, parents still try to respond calmly. Because the parents' overreaction will stimulate the kids' behavior, and make them speak swear words again and again.
For baby, the parents may find it funny when the first time they hear it their baby unintentional to say bad words, and often can't help but laugh. Babies find that they can make adults laugh, and the next time they want to be funny to attract attention, they will say these words again.
Generally, as long as the parents ignore their behavior and there is no obvious manifestation, they feel that it is not fun to say it, and gradually they will not say it.
For older kids, whether it is a parent's mandatory order not to say bad words, or the parent gets furious when the kids say swearing, the kids may stop swearing temporarily out of fear. But the more likely situation is that they will soon make the mistake again and again, and then be criticized and educated by their parents until they fall into an endless loop.
In fact, parents should focus on how to help kids manage their emotions because emotions are the root cause of kids' bad language. When kids' emotions erupt, they will be severely reprimanded by their parents, which will only add fuel to the fire. Parents can wait for the kid's emotions to ease, wait for both sides to calm down, and then discuss with the kid to resolve the swearing behavior, the effect will be better.