How to refuse unreasonable requests from children? This is the best answer I have ever seen
When children have a certain degree of autonomy, parents must fight their various unreasonable demands.
In the cold, she insist on wearing a short-sleeved dress;
Try to prevent him from climbing too high, he refused to listen and climbing to the bay window to play;
Obviously still sick, rolling all over the floor without ice cream
Children in this period seem to have changed from angels to weapons of mass destruction overnight, making people collapse in minutes.
When children grow up and have their own ideas, sometimes parents will feel very embarrassed: When facing their little obsessions and various requirements, how to deal with disobedient children and correctly say "no" to them?
From the age of two or three
It's normal for children to be rebellious
At the age of two or three, the child's brain is in a period of rapid development.
The child's brain is rapidly establishing new neural connections. By the age of 3, the neural connections in certain areas of the child's brain have even increased by 2 to 3 times.
From the perspective of neural connectivity, the brains of two-year-old children are extremely active. Although they are not as active as they were during adolescence, this "overheated brain" state is also the reason why they appear rebellious at this age.
In addition to the rapid development of the nervous system, they also use various methods to find out and feel out the differences between others and themselves, and even challenge such differences between people.
The reason to do this is not to deliberately provoke parents, they are just learning important new knowledge in life.
Refuse unreasonable requests from children
It's not just as simple as saying "no"
Although it is normal for children to be rebellious, we still have to refuse their unreasonable demands.
But "no" is just "no." Only with empathy, explanation and guidance can we give greater value to rejection, and better dealing with a defiant child.
1. Have a better attitude and be more artistic when you say "no"
We are very polite with strangers, but we are accustomed to expressing our opinions directly with our family members, especially children:
Whenever a child makes a rebellious move, Many parents' rejection of their children is subconscious, without thinking: Does the child really make an unreasonable request?
Many times, children are just curious. He wants to see more, touch more, but it may be difficult for adults to understand the child's curiosity about everything.
So parents should try to stand from the perspective of the child and think about whether he did it by nature. This is the first step, also the important step about how to deal with a defiant child.
2. You can deny your child's behavior, but don't deny the child himself
We can tell children:
You will get hurt if you do this!
The stomach hurts after eating this!
But avoid to tell him:
You do this every time!
I've repeated it many times, why you do it again?
You are always so capricious and so naughty!
We can deny the behavior of the child, because the behavior is easy to be corrected after all.
When a child finds his wrong behavior and knows how to correct it, he can immediately do it correctly as long as he is willing to change it.
But if we come up to define the personality of the child and say what kind of person he is, it will be difficult to handle.
Both adults and children know that it is not easy to change the personality.
If you are accustomed to giving your child a label when you say "no", it is easy to stimulate the child's confrontational behavior of "I'm doing this anyway," and even force the child to "break the jar."
3. Don't let children think that making mistakes is a shame
In order to emphasize the seriousness of making mistakes, many parents will always express to their children the attitude of "You made a mistake, it is your fault, and it is a shame to do this.”
It is a common trick for many parents to make children feel ashamed because of mistakes, but this trick works because the child cares about us and also cares about his own image in our eyes.
When this kind of caring becomes our capital to coerce our children, the children will have a wrong social pattern: excessively cater to and please the people they care about.
This is not a good habit, whether in childhood or in adulthood.
4. Say "no" as an ally, try to Speak out
The best restraint is to help children exercise self-restraint.
Parents should communicate more with their children about "what would happen if you did this", and then come to the final conclusion with the children.
In this way, instead of standing on the opposite side of the child, you have come to the conclusion with the child why we can not do this.
We are a team with our children. The role we should play is actually a teacher, a coach, a consultant, a military adviser.
When comparing with the children, the advantage of adults is their experiences. If we talk about our own experiences by telling children stories, it is actually a very feasible skill.
5. Make an appointment with your child, and let the child speak out by himself
Some of the children’s "improper requests" are often made after the "right requests".
For example, children want to watch cartoons. This requirement is quite legitimate.
But if the child watched for 20 minutes, then said "I still want to watch," after that, he still said "I want to watch again", then it is necessary to restrict.
Faced with this situation, parents must master the "appointment" skill: let the children speak out by themselves.
Before the child makes a request, please make an appointment with him:
Want sugar? Ok! How much do you want?
Want to watch TV? OK! How long will you watch?
The appointment is not only a good way to deal with adults, but applicable to children. This is a good way about how to discipline a defiant child.
You make a good agreement with your child, and let the child say it in person so that it can become an effective constraint.
In short, there is an art when saying "no". The most important point is that saying "no" requires additional empathy, explanation and guidance to be truly effective.
In the process of raising children, not only are skills needed when rejecting children, there are also many problems that parents have to face, but they rarely can do things right, such as emotional problems, social problems, and so on.
These problems precisely determine whether the child can become a confident, socially capable and independent individual in the future.