1. You are the best role model for your kid, and your kid will learn from your behavior.
Your kid will learn how to behave in society by observing you. You are his earliest teacher and role model, so if you want your kid to do good behaviors, you must lead by example and tell them what is good behavior. What you do is often more important than what you say. If you want your kid to say "please", then you must say the same by yourself. If you don't want your kid to speak loudly, then you should speak softly.
2. Express your feelings to your kid.
If you want your kid to express his feelings honestly, you should also honestly tell him how his behavior will affect you. This helps him to experience his own feelings, like a mirror, which is called empathy.
By the age of three, the kid has been able to show true empathy. So you can say "Mom is upset because you are too noisy and I can't call." When you start with "I", you can give your kid a chance to see things from your perspective.
3. Seize opportunities to praise your kids.
Briefly speaking, when you are satisfied with your kid's performance, you can give him some positive feedback. For example, "Wow! You played great. I really like that you put all the blocks on the table." This is much better than shouting, "Hey! Don't do that!"
Positive feedback is sometimes referred to as "descriptive praise." Try to make your positive comments (praise and encouragement) much higher than negative comments (criticism and reprimand) to your kid. 6:1 is a better balanced ratio.
Note that if kids have the opportunity to choose between "not being paid attention" and "negative attention", they will choose negative attention (they need to attract your attention, even if they seek attention in a way that makes you unhappy).
4. Squat down to the same height as your kid.
Kneeling or squatting next to your kid to talk is a very effective way to communicate with them. Talking close to them allows you to put yourself in to understand the thoughts and feelings your kid may have, and it also helps them listen to what you say or ask. If you and your kid are close enough and attract his attention, then there is no need to ask him to look at you.
Active listening is also a tool that can help the toddler control their emotions. They often feel frustrated, especially when they cannot express themselves well in words. If you retell the feelings you think they might have in their hearts (to help them express), it will help ease some of their tensions. This also makes them feel respected and comforted and may avoid many situations that make them lose their temper.
6. Keep your promises and abide by the agreement between you and your kid.
When you stick to the promise you made, whether it is good or bad for him, your kid will learn to trust and respect you. If you promise him to take him for a walk after putting away the toys, please prepare your walking shoes. When you tell him that if you keep running around, you will leave that library, please prepare to leave immediately.
Don't make a fuss, the more you stay focused on the matter at hand, the better. This will help your kid feel more at ease because it creates a consistent and predictable environment.
7. Reduce temptation.
Your Chanel bag or Dior sunglasses look so fun, and it is difficult for kids to remember not to touch them. In order to avoid the loss of expensive items caused by kids' naive exploration, they should be placed where they cannot see.
8. Choose necessary conflicts and reduce unnecessary conflicts.
Before you interfere with anything your kid is doing, especially when you say "no" or "stop", ask yourself if you really need to ask for it. Minimizing instructions, demands, and negative feedback also reduces the chances of disputes and disgust. Rules are important, but only use rules when they are really important. You cannot do this, you cannot do that, which is not conducive to controlling the overall situation.
9.Be resolute about children’s complaints and naughty.
Kids don’t want to become annoying. If we give in when they complain, then we are training them to complain even more, even if we don’t want to.
"No" means "no", which is not that if the kid begs you for a while, it may become possible. So, unless you really want to say absolutely no, don’t talk about it (refer to point 6 and 8). If you say "no" but then give in, your kid will complain next time and play more tricks, hoping to win again by fluke.
10. Adhere to simple and positive instructions.
If you can give clear instructions in a simple way, kids will know what to do. For example, "please hold my hand when we cross the road." instead of saying "don't run around when crossing the road." Narrating things in a positive way allows them to think in the right direction, and avoid the word for encouraging bad behavior. For example, "Please close the door" would be better than "Do not leave the door open".
11. Teach kids to take responsibility and consequences.
As your kids grow up, you can teach them to take more responsibility for their actions. You can also give them the opportunity to experience the natural consequences of the behavior. You don't need to always play the role of "bad guy". For example, when your child forgets to put lunch in his schoolbag, he will be hungry at noon. Starving is a consequence that he must bear. Being hungry once will not hurt him.
Sometimes our starting point is good. We have done too many things for our kids, but they have lost their chance of learning.
There are also times when you need to explain the consequences of unacceptable behavior or dangerous behavior. In this case, it is best to make sure that you have explained to them what the consequences will be, and that the kid accepts not to do that in advance.
12. Just say it once.
It is surprising that a kid can hear a lot of information, even if he may not have enough social maturity to tell you that he understands it. Nagging and criticism bore you, and it didn't work. In the end, your kid will just not listen, and then don't understand why you are angrier.
If you want to give him the last chance to cooperate, remind him of the consequences of not cooperating with you, and then start counting from one to three.
13. Let the kid feel that he is important.
Children like to feel that they can do something for the family. Instead of doing everything for them, let him do some simple chores or things within his capacity, and let him gradually play an important role in housework. This will make him feel that he is important, and he will be proud to help. If you give your kid many opportunities to practice housework, he will do better and work harder. Safe housework can give kids a sense of responsibility, build up their self-confidence, and can help you at the same time.
14. Make plans in advance to prepare for challenging situations.
Sometimes it is difficult to take care of the kid and do what you need to do at the same time. If you can anticipate the difficulties you may encounter in advance, you can make a plan to suit your kid's needs. For example, let him know five minutes in advance that he needs to do other activities, so that he is prepared, remember to tell him why you need his cooperation, and then he can prepare according to your requirements.
15. Maintain a sense of humor.
Another way to eliminate tension and possible conflict is humor and fun. You can pretend to be an evil monster that tickles people or make strange animal sounds.
But don't make jokes about kids, such humor is useless. Toddlers are easily hurt by their parents’ teasing (I write here and remember that when I was a kid, I was always laughed at by adults because of my inaccurate pronunciation, or when I was anxious to express something, my parents would laugh at me.).
Humor that can make both parties laugh is very good.